Missing you ...

I have a new tag line for AirAsia:
It's only cheap if you catch the flight!

More on this later. Must go — can't afford to miss another flight.

D.

Tonight is my last in Bangkok. I knew three months would go fast, but it really does seem as though I've just settled in and now it's time to go.

People keep asking if I'm coming back — I hope so. At least for a holiday if not to take that job that Expedia offered me — oops! [backspace]

Of course, I still have a whole month of travelling to do through Vietnam and Cambodia! But I have been weighing up the things I'll miss about Bangkok, and the things I have begun to miss about home.

Brisbane — things I miss

1. My family (including Roxy, the dog), and especially my boys. We raised our kids to be independent, but that doesn't mean I don't miss having them around!
2. My friends at the Brisbane office. This is the first time in seven years that I've worked anywhere apart from the Brisbane Wotif office.
3. Being able to give someone a hug. I never know what the protocol is here, so I just resist the urge.
4. Being able to drink water from the tap.
5. Being able to hold a conversation with strangers that consists of more than "hello", "how are you", and "goodbye" (which is the same as hello).
6. Being able to order a meal in English, and know what I'm getting.
7. Blue sky.
8. Footpaths.
9. Being able to cross at a pedestrian crossing without checking for traffic.
10. Rubbish bins.

Brisbane — things I don't miss

1. Roxy's hair on every surface of my house.
2. Taxi fares.
3. The lousy public transport.
4. Boring food.
5. The Valley.
6. Shops that close at 9pm, or even 5.30pm!
7. Actually having your bag checked when you go through customs.
8. No daylight savings.
9. Not having my own pool and gym.
10. Today Tonight.

Bangkok — things I won't miss

1. The heat.
2. The smell of khlongs and drains.
3. Worrying that I don't have enough money on me to bribe a policeman if I need to.
4. Wondering which part of the animal that crunchy bit in my mouth was.
5. Dog poo down every soi.
6. Begging.
7. Saying "not want" to every second person as I walk down a street full of tuk-tuks and bars.
8. Dividing every price I see by 30.
9. Copping an eye- and throat-full of chilli vapour as you walk past a street vendor.
10. Having to go to Starbucks to get a decent coffee.

Bangkok — things I will miss

1. My new friends. Wherever I go in this company, I meet warm, welcoming, and generous individuals.
2. Being able to smile at almost anyone without starting a fight. A beautiful country with (mostly) beautiful, friendly people.
3. Being able to fly to the other end of the country, or even overseas, for $50.
4. Eating lunch for a dollar.
5. Catching a moto-taxi to work every day.
6. Living five minutes' walk from anything you need.
7. Shopping at 7 Elevens.
8. Soi dogs.
9. Markets.
10. Cool bars and restaurants.

Sawasdee khup, Krung Thep. Thanks for having me.

D.

The white stuff

I've mentioned here before that while we in the West busy ourselves with tanning on the beach, in the salon, and from the supermarket aisle, here in Asia it's all about getting pale.

A conversation with a friend here who was heading away to a beach destination for the weekend revealed that she was worried about coming back with her skin darker than it currently was. For one of the only white members of a family of five brothers and sisters (most of them have a lovely olive complexion, as opposed to my pale, pinkish blue aura) this was hard to fathom.

I've spent most of my life envying my sister's beautiful complexion, which despite now living in England, turns a lovely shade of brown whenever she spends more than ten minutes in the sun. My skin turns several shades of bright pink through magenta, dies, and then peels off leaving a freckly, blotchy shade of white.

Freckle-faced and ranga kids of Australia, this is the complexion we were beaten up for and taught to despise all our school years. Over here it's almost a prized possession!

If the aspirations set by billboards and TV ads are anything to go by (and lets hope they're not), the perfect Asian face is one that is barely recognisable as Asian, with a pale, white complexion. Faces all along the highway into Bangkok, Phuket, Chiang Mai, and Kuala Lumpur all stare down through eyes with the faintest hint of Asian.


Does this guy look Thai?

But why? With farangs coming from all over the world to find the loves of their lives, why aren't there posters of beautiful dark skinned Asian faces advertising everything from shoes to Ovaltine?

Look how beautiful these everyday people are!

Buy any sort of cosmetic product that you apply to your skin over here (deodorant, after shave balm, moisturiser, skin whitener) and it will claim to turn you whiter. Like this one:

This one comes with sheep placenta! Mmmm...

In fact, a recent deodorant purchase saw me score a free face wash product, which had the added bonus of whitening. So naturally, I decided to do undertake a scientifically robust experiment to see what effect, if any, it would have on skin that is already melanin-challenged.

The Experiment

I took a before photo, used the face wash every day for the past 25 days, and present to you now the results of this experiment for your own edification.

Before

After

Thanks to www.yearbookyourself.com for the pics.

D.

Taking only memories

Remember the post about Bangkok milk?
The honey featured in the making breakfast post?
What about the toilet paper one?
And who could forget Mr Hill in the shower?

Well here's your chance to grab your very own piece of My Mekong Trip history...



Place your bid now!

... or not.

Bangkok wildlife

Please note that this post is not about Soi Cowboy, Nana Plaza or Patpong Road. I didn't want anyone jumping in with false expectations.

Growing up in Australia, you forget how surprising it is to see native animals and wildlife in the city. When you're so used to watching the kangaroos hop down George Street (Brisbane or Sydney) and tossing the koalas a eucalyptus lolly on the way to work, you forget that there's something special about seeing the country's fauna where you expect only people.

I've been surprised, and sometimes gob-smacked, at the variety of animals I've seen in Bangkok.

It was hard to tell whether this guy was friendly or not, with teeth poking out like Agrajag
(go read Hitchhiker's Guide)

The most noticeable are the soi dogs, or what Aussies would call strays. There are a lot more of them per square metre than you would see in Australia. And some are well looked after, even though they're homeless. They sleep out the front of disused buildings with their own food dishes and water bowls that people fill up for them.

There are also plenty of stray cats around, but as with cats anywhere, it's hard to tell which ones are actually strays and which ones are just out for a wander and would happily come home with you for a free feed and a bit of lap time.

I've also encountered the soi bats as I walk home some nights - they swoop down in a pale, translucent blur over your head, like an ugly magpie in nesting season. Or maybe their radar just aren't used to farang shapes yet.

I encountered one Bangkok local long before I ever saw it. I heard a noise that I assumed was the noise the traffic lights make before it's safe for pedestrians to cross, only it seemed to be coming from odd places (trees, bushes, drains). I have discovered that it's a frog call, and not a traffic aid for the visually impaired (I actually have no idea how a blind person would cross the road safely in Bangkok - my guess is by taxi).

There are squirrels a-plenty in Bangkok - you see them in much the same places as you'd spot possums in Australia - walking down the powerlines to get to another tree, or jumping on roofs. I'm not sure if they also live in your roof and wake you up at 2am when they come home and find another bloke with their girlfriend.

One animal that I didn't expect to find here was a sugar glider, but apparently they are also native to New Guinea and Indonesia. I spotted one in it's native habitat here in Krung Thep - sitting in the hand of a street vendor near Khao San Road. Here's my friend Holly modelling the beasty for us:

Holly was so impressed that she did a web search and found a site claiming the sugar glider as the number one pet to have in an apartment. It seems the glider likes nothing better than hanging out with people. In their apartments. The people's that is, not the sugar glider's.

Alphonse, who lives at the end of my Soi

Another animal I didn't expect to find strutting around the end of my street was a rooster - I have at least two. This one - let's call him Alphonse, or Fonzie for short - has his own little wicker basket that he sits in sometimes, but most of the time he's just scratching around the footpath as I walk by on my way home. I've tried saying hello, but so far we haven't really connected. Some nights I walk past, Fonzie isn't there, and the people who hang around on the street near Fonzie are enjoying a hearty meal with the local moto-taxi drivers, and I get worried for the Fonze's well-being. But the next day he's back, cock of the walk again.

I've also heard that, just like Australia, there are snakes to be found in backyards and bushes, though only the spitting cobra - nothing really dangerous like the taipan, yellow belly black, or king brown.

Bath time at elephant world

Thailand is of course well-known for monkeys and elephants, and while I have seen these in the "wild" during my time here in Thailand, I have yet to see either monkeys or elephants wandering the streets of Bangkok sniffing around for stray peanuts. Although, I have read that there is a famous elephant who often frequents Soi Cowboy.

Ha! Tricked you! I did talk about Soi Cowboy after all.

D.

My dairy diary

Here's two ways to buy milk in Bangkok. You choose.



D.

Bye, bye Miss American Thai

I went to a 1950s-style American Diner tonight. It had juke boxes, padded booths to sit in, and Elvis playing in the background.

If I were to use deductive logic, I should not have ordered from the Thai section of the menu. If you're at a Thai-themed restaurant in Bangkok and you order a cheeseburger with chilli fries, chances are it may not be the best you've eaten.

So by deduction, I could say that ordering Thai food at an American-themed restaurant touting large burgers and thick shakes would be a mistake.

Except that all the kitchen staff were Thai. I had a very nice chicken massaman curry.

I do need to learn some more essential Thai phrases though. For the second time in a week, I asked to look at the dessert menu and was brought the bill instead.

Or maybe I should stop wearing such tight-fitting shirts.

D.

PS. If I was running a 50s American joint, I probably wouldn't have the Asian Soccer League playing on the big screen. Just saying.

Walk the talk

As any first year communication student knows, there's more to communicating than just words.

There are cultural differences I'm uncovering here that go beyond language and the way we talk. It's in the expressions, the attitudes, the non-verbal sounds, and even in the way we walk.

For example, it took me a little while to realise that my Thai friends weren't making fun of each other in a conversation when they responded with "Errrrrr. Ehr, ehr." They were agreeing with what was said. Similarly, anyone who who has socialised with a group of Thai people will recognise that "Oiiiiiii!" has nothing to do with 80s punk music, or that annoying "Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!" anthem.

In Australia there's a look, combined with a posture and a defiant walk, which you adopt when a car fails to stop at a green "Walk" signal or pedestrian crossing. It's a look of righteous indignation; a purposeful "how dare you!" to the driver of a one tonne vehicle who should know better, and is clearly in the wrong.

Now take exactly the same look and posture, in exactly the same situation, but on the streets of Bangkok, and its meaning is completely different. It means "I'm a stupid farang." Repeat the non-verbal communication a few times in quick succession, and it can come to mean "I will be availing myself of your wonderful healthcare system shortly".

These non-verbal messages can work to your advantage. I think I've become fairly good at not looking like a tourist. Those who are familiar with my loud shirt collection may disagree, however there's definitely certain non-verbal cues you can adopt if you don't want to look like a sucker, and I am willing to share my insights with you here, gentle reader.

A work colleague recently mentioned standing in public looking at an open map as a dead giveaway. This, along with the loud Hawai'ian shirt and camera around the neck, are obvious clues - so obvious I'm not going to mention them. Whoops, too late.

Of course there are times when you want to be a tourist and enjoy the new experience, but if you'd like to be able to walk down the tourist strip (or out of the airport) without being accosted by tuk-tuk drivers and people expounding the joys of table tennis exhibitions, there is a walk and an attitude that you can adopt.

Start with a lack of eye contact and don't look at your surroundings. Even if you've never been to this place before, look down at the ground where you going, or better still, straight ahead. Pretend you're walking home after a long day at work, and all you want to do is get home.

You can comfortably glance at the things around you as you walk, but your walk is purposeful. You're not browsing at the Sunday markets (even if you are actually browsing at the Sunday markets), you're headed somewhere.

There's no need to be rude or aggressive, it's more an attitude of boredom. Act like you've been here a thousand times before, and are just on your way through once again on your way somewhere, so not really looking to buy any Viagra or Sponge Bob Square Pants items today. The non-verbal message you're sending is that anyone wanting to sell something is better off approaching the couple behind you arguing about whether it really was Tiffany at that last stall, and that even if it was Tiffany, you still could have talked him down a bit more.

I have survived many forays into markets, airports, shopping centres, and unlit alleyways with this method, and have lived to tell the tale.

Unfortunately, it doesn't stop me from buying a lot of crap though.

D.

Walking tour

I came up with a great new business idea last night, and my faithful blog followers are the first to hear about it. Send letters of interest and investment proposals to my Bangkok office.

Mr Hill's walking tour of Krung Thep

A completely different way of seeing Bangkok

Pick a destination that you haven't been to before, and would like to see

It doesn't really matter what the destination is, because you're not going to get there anyway, so pick anything.

Go at a different time of day - preferably night

Not only will you avoid the crowds by going when everyone else is eating dinner or enjoying a night out with friends talking about the professional tour they went on and what they saw during the day, but some transport services will have stopped running, forcing you to find different options. You'll also get to see the locals who live in these other areas, and who would otherwise be at work serving you coffee, or selling you Calvin Klein knock-offs.

Maps make you look like a tourist

It's not enough just to leave the map at home, you should also not familiarise yourself with the area beforehand. Take a quick glance at the map of train stations online to give you a general idea of where you are getting off, but no real idea of where you are once you walk down stairs from the train station.

You could also browse Google maps to give you a general perspective on the major arterial roads (and have you believing that you will remember the name of that 14 syllable highway) so you have a vague idea of whether you are walking into or out of a particular area. Remember though that Krung Thep looks very different when you're standing on the back sois and highway underpasses than it does from the satellite.

Follow the locals

When you're at a ferry terminal, assume that, even though the last tourist service has run for the day, any other boat you step on will probably take you somewhere near where you originally thought you might like to go. When you discover that all these people are simply crossing to the other side of the river (probably going home after a long day putting up with tourists), and that you could stay on the boat if you like, but it will only take you back where you've just been, resign yourself to discovering this new part of Bangkok across the river.

Rejoice even more when you discover that the ride cost you all of 3 Baht (aout 10 cents). Rejoice, yay, rejoice thrice good people, that you have thought to bring coins, and not just a 1000 Baht note.

Follow the locals again...

Your ferry crossing will inevitably deposit you in one of those areas where "what will tourists want" was not on the town planners' agenda. Note the total lack of tuk-tuk drivers, replaced instead by a handful of moto-taxis taking the locals away from the ferry terminal to their homes. Note also the large, unlit park where local youths gather to pump iron like the Krung Thep version of Venice Beach. Keep following the locals away from the terminal, and wherever you go, keep the river on your right, so you can always get back to the ferry if you need to.

Wander

Again, it's not really important which streets you walk up, and which sois you walk down - it's all about the experience of being off the tourist radar, and seeing local life in a different area. Accept the fact that you won't see another Western face for at least an hour and a half. That's OK. You may get puzzled looks, but they're probably just wondering if you're lost. There's nothing hostile going on.

Keep coming back to the river

It's good to have at least one anchor point. The river is a good one, because sooner or later, you will come to another crossing - ferry terminal, bridge, tuk-tuk driver, etc. Your heart-rate may quicken, and your excitement even peak when you see signs of tourist activity again. Resist the urge to run up and hug the first policeman or other uniformed individual you see. This is frowned upon.

Know your limits

After walking for two hours (did I say not to wear high heels?) you may be ready for some bright lights and a light refreshment or two. Knowing when to wave down a cab and head for the closest tourist haunt is a skill it may take several walking adventures to master. You need to leave a bit in reserve so you can still actually walk down the tourist strip when you get there, and that you can sit upright in the chair, rather than lying on the footpath outside the bar (again, frowned upon).

Reflect on your journey

Finally, as you sit and enjoy a wood-fired pizza topped with a cheese of unknown classification, you can reflect on the tiny piece of Krung Thep that you have just witnessed, the different attitude and outlook of locals when they're not surrounded by farang looking for a bargain, and the incredibly vast place that this city must really be.

---

After my walking tour, I can no longer think of Bangkok as an "East meets West" city. The West may have dropped in here for a visit, but it's well and truly confined to one or two rooms of this vast sprawling Eastern mansion, which has a life and an energy all of its own, quite apart from anything we may think we may have imparted from the confines of our small quarter.

D.

Wash this space

There's so much I'd like to tell you all about, but so little time to spend bloggerating (some guy in the office expects me to do other work while I'm here as well). Here's a little sample of the topics that are congealing in my head, and that I plan to put into pixels when I have exactly the right mix of time and inclination:

• Grocery shopping
• Taxi drivers
• Water usage
• Why I hate tipping
• Disposing of rubbish
• Religions of the world
• The origins of language
• And of course - the dreaded hose

But for now, here's a little treat for you - a video I put together to show you what a typical washing day looks like for me in Bangkok.

2011, a space for oddity

From my Sunday journey to the shops on the BTS (train) today, here are a few more Bangkok oddities I noticed.

1. Whitening cream

While fake tans and brown skin is all the rage with the ladies back home, here it's all about looking white. Corrective eye surgery I'd heard about, but there were several ads on the train today for whitening cream, to make your skin look paler. Seems the grass is always whiter on the other side.

2. Coconut

You can get coconut in many different forms here in Thailand. Coconut oil, coconut milk, coconut cream, coconut paste, fresh coconut, green coconut milk still in the coconut served with a straw...

The one thing I haven't been able to find is dessicated coconut. From as far back as I can remember, we have always had a packet of dessicated coconut in the cupboard. How else do you make slices, biscuits, cakes, etc? Sadly, the little kiddies of Bangkok may never know the joy of coconut ice.

3. Bananas

Bananas are very cheap here - you can buy them from a lot of street vendors either chopped up, roasted over coals, cooked into pancakes, or served with sticky rice. But when you buy them from the super market, they not only come like Laura Palmer - wrapped in plastic - but they also come like Lady Gaga - wrapped in tape.

4. Mr Broomy

Every kid in Australia knows about Mr Whippy or the ice cream man - a dude who cruises around the streets on hot afternoons or weekends ringing a bell or playing Green sleeves (or some other song he doesn't have to pay royalties for) and all the kiddies come running out clutching their pocket money or dragging the parents in tow, to get an ice cream.

In Bangkok they have Mr Broomy. A dude riding something that's part bicycle, part shopping trolley filled with brooms, brushes, dust pans, and other manual sweeping implements. He cruised the streets around my soi on a hot Bangkok morning, honking a little bike horn with a tyre pump attached to it, to let everyone know Mr Broomy was there.

I didn't see any kids chasing him down the soi, but maybe they were all still finding their pocket money.

5. Coffee

Many things labelled "coffee", and even "best coffee in Bangkok" don't necessarily taste like coffee, and may in fact taste like "worst coffee in world".

D.

Dinner with the locals

Dining out with a group of Thai locals is a very different experience from what I've had so far in Thailand.

Here you eat out a lot more than you cook at home. In fact, I know Westerners who lived here for a year and never owned a single plate or cooking implement (you know who I'm talking to). It's just so cheap! In fact, having cooked for myself a few times, I doubt I paid less cooking my crummy pasta and sauce at home than I would have paid going to a restaurant or street vendor.

My lunch today cost me THB25 - not even a dollar. By comparison, a packet of instant noodles and some thinly sliced beef from the supermarket (mixed with a little left-over chilli sauce) cost me about THB80.

So all of that is just to say that I've been eating out a lot, but up until tonight, always with other farang, and maybe one or two Thai people.

Tonight, I went out with the locals to a local eating place - a place where you sat on plastic stools, at plastic tables, on the footpath, next to the road, and you were surrounded by the kitchen. Several vendors cooking salted fish, chicken, seafood, stir fries ... I've been to places like this before at lunch time, but again, always with ex-pats showing me their favourite spots.

On the way there tonight, my hosts were kind enough to ask me what my favourite Thai dishes were. These are what they ordered first. And then they ordered a bunch of stuff I've never eaten, seen, heard of, or even thought about eating before.

I was handed a menu when I sat down, but instead of ordering, I was too busy taking photos of the Thinglish to try to decipher what I may want to eat.

What I did eat was the usual som tam (green paw paw salad), tom yum gai, and gai yang (grilled chicken). But then I also impressed them with my willingness to try the gung chae nam-pla (raw prawn salad), deep-fried pig intestines (for which I cannot remember the Thai name), and boiled (or possibly raw) miniature seashell creatures, which I told them were called pippies. This brought much amusement, possibly because I either sounded like I was saying "Phi Phi" or sounded like the Road Runner.

There was much concern for my weak gastro-intestinal system, and at the first sign of my breaking into a sweat at the extra level of spiciness served up to and by the locals, I was handed copious amounts of fluid, bland fried chicken, and toilet paper (more on this in another post).

My hosts were most gracious, and I felt honoured to have been invited out with them for a meal. While most of the conversation I didn't understand, they did go out of their way to interpret the funny and meaningful parts, and some parts which I still do not understand.

After dinner we retired to the air conditioned shopping centre, where I discovered that the phenomenon of women going to the toilet in packs knows no cultural boundaries. And neither does men standing around outside the toilets, trying to look purposeful and suave.

We went to an ice cream house for dessert. I was informed that they have a contest, where you have to put an entire scoop of ice cream in your mouth, and see who can finish it first. I now believe that this game was actually invented for my benefit, and was not, as I originally thought, a regular Friday night event.

Needless to say, the westerner with the big mouth won, but only just. O gave me a run for my money.

We wandered the shopping centre looking at make-up and trying to figure out what the Thai word for Balmain Bugs is (also known in some backwaters as Moreton Bay Bugs). Eventually there was agreement on the name, and I discovered that the English translation of the Thai name means "back-stroke crab". Our Balmain girl, Dawn Fraser, would be proud.

Dining with my Thai friends tonight has given me a new appreciation of several things.

Firstly, of my work colleagues. Even though we work for the same company, these are people who were complete strangers until about three weeks ago. They are hard workers, they love life, and they enjoy socialising together. And they're welcoming enough to allow an outsider to join them.

Secondly, of what it's like being the only person who doesn't speak the language. I've only experienced this once before while travelling in Seoul. Here I was lucky enough to have some friendly faces to interpret and make sure I didn't eat too many of the "toxic" shellfish.

Those of you from Australia will know that there is a section of the community at home with the attitude "if you want to live in our country, learn the language". Here I am, living and working in their country, with only the faintest spattering of Thai to get me through, and these beautiful people go out of their way to make me feel at home.

Finally, I have a new appreciation of my favourite food group - ice cream. It's good to know that wherever you are in the world, you can still get a scoop of something called "chocolate fudge brownie".

D.

A path for my feet

Philosophically, I am opposed to the encroachment of US English into the Australian vocabulary. But I have to say that in Bangkok, "sidewalk" is a much more appropriate term than "footpath".

There are very few roads that have any sort of path for either foot, let alone both feet. Most of the time, you just walk to the side of whatever thoroughfare you are on.

As soon as you turn off the main road and onto a Soi (small street), you find yourself dodging and weaving, trying to stay out of the way of on-coming, off-coming, sideways coming traffic, and there may or may not be a raised area at either side of the Soi for you to walk on.

Even if there is, this sidewalk will be broken in places, non-existent in others, and when it is in good repair, you will still have to wander onto the road at times to avoid food vendors, parked motorbikes, and scuffling stray dogs.

Even sidewalk doesn't really cover it, because where it does exist, it's not just used for walking. On main roads, where there is what you may consider to be a dedicated footpath, you will have to share this with scooters and mopeds ferrying people to work or the train.

On several occasions I have been beeped at (it's more of a beep than a honk usually) to get out of the way, because I wasn't looking behind me to see whether a motorbike needed to get past me on the footpath. Sidewalk. Raised concrete area at the side of the road for pedestrians, street vendors and motorbikes. Doesn't really roll off the tongue does it?

The other problem I've encountered as I walk the streets (whether on the side or not) is that even though they drive on the left-hand side of the road in Thailand, they appear to walk on the right-hand side. If I'm passing someone coming the other way, my natural instinct is to move to the left, but they move to the right - which of course is my left - and while we do a little dance, nobody makes a little love, and nobody gets down tonight.

I just end up trying to remember how to say sorry before they move on, and am left mumbling something that probably translates into Thai as "no horse biscuits for me please".

The really surprising thing again is that it all just works. No-one is shouting at anyone else to get out of the way, there aren't thousands of daily traffic casualties, and people still get where they're going.

My Thai isn't very good (nit noi), but I haven't once heard someone yell "Hey! I'm walkin' here!"

D.

In the words of Arnie, "Two weeks"

Today marks two weeks since I arrived in Bangkok. Two weeks!

I was such a noob then. But now, the seasoned traveller who can order food, make a taxi driver understand where I want to go, and mime washing clothes so that the security guard shows me where the laundry is.

There are, however, certain things I'm discovering that I simply did not bring with me, that would make life easier. Here's my list so far of things that I didn't bring. You may like to jot these down should you ever move somewhere for three months.

1. Can opener. Though my small utility tool will pierce the top of a spaghetti sauce can.
2. Cereal bowl. The little ornate Thai dish that came with the apartment is nice, but not practical.
3. Bread knife.
4. Power plug adapter. I know!
5. Bath mat.
6. Toilet roll holder. It's all about the hose in Thailand.
7. Laundry basket.
8. Coat hangers.
9. Umbrella and/or rain coat.
10. Enough clothes that it doesn't look like I'm wearing the same five ensembles every week.

You see, three months is kind of an in-between stay. It's not quite a short holiday and it's not quite moving in either. I guess Bangkok and I are still checking each other out to see if we like each other before we make any long-term plans.

Pretty soon I'll have to have that conversation about seeing other people...

D.

I love the smell of Bangkok in the morning

There's a funny smell coming from my sink. Not funny in a ha-ha kind of way, but funny in a "holy crap what's that smell!?" kind of way.

It's the smell anyone who's been to Bangkok will tell you about. For those of you who haven't been to Bangkok, here's how you can make your very own Bangkok smell at home!

First, don't put your rubbish bin out for about two weeks.
Next, install your own grey water system in the kitchen, so that your used washing up water and vegie strainings are stored in an outside container.
When two weeks are up, mix the bin contents with the grey water and leave sit in the middle of the yard, preferably in direct sunlight.
For best effect, leave down-wind from an open window.
Wander through your house, and at random times, if you close your eyes, it's just like being in Bangkok. Enjoy!

[walks to sink] Here's one I prepared earlier...

Don't get me wrong, it's not a totally evil, suffocating smell, it's just a "something's off" smell. Every now and then when you're stepping over a drain, or walking past a particular spot on your soi (street), you'll get a little taste of it. Just to remind you where you are, and who's boss.

Well that's the smell that's coming from my sink.

I have opened the cupboard to see what's under the sink. There's a big plastic box with lots of pipes going into it and, presumably, out of it as well. I'm assuming this is some kind of water/garbage filter device. There's no disposal switch or other such electronic gizmo. Not that I can find a switch for, anyway.

Perhaps it's like the Flintstones and there's a sort of lizard living in the box munching on the scraps and bugs that fall down my sink.

Well I think the lizard is unwell. But I'm not game to open the box and find out for fear this would only antagonise the smell. If I don't bother the smell, perhaps it won't bother me.

Or maybe it's time to increase my language skills and find out how to say "can you take a look at my sink please" in Thai.

D.

Making Aussie breakfast in a Thai kitchen

Step 1 - preparation the day before

As you haven't yet been able to get a good supply of drinking water, boil the tap water rapidly for at least 10 minutes in your wok or saucepan. Allow this to cool, and fill random bottles and jugs to store in the fridge.

Step 2

As you don't have a kettle, pour some of the prepared drinking water into a cup, and microwave this cup on high for about 2 minutes. Test water temperature with finger, and either curse loudly, or return the cup to the microwave until the water is hot enough.

Step 3

Allow tea to steep, though because cup is quite small, it will reach desired strength quite quickly, so set tea bag aside to use again in your next cup of tea (mum and dad, I'll never laugh at you re-using your teabags again!).

Step 4

Add milk and sugar to taste. Drink while preparing toast.

Step 5

Look at your crockery and cutlery collection - realise that Thai people don't use knives with their meals, so you don't actually have a knife anywhere in the apartment.

Step 6

Take your gourmet muesli loaf, and tear it into desired-size chunks.

Step 7

Remember that you got a small wooden knife complimentary with your bottle of jam, so attempt to use that to "slice" the loaf.

Step 8

Place on rack thing in microwave convection oven, and set to grill mode, marked as "ย่าง" on the microwave. You know this because of the red heaty thing icon, not because you can read Thai.

Step 9

Pull out what would be described in any five-star restaurant as "rustic hand-torn fruit toast", lavish with freshly opened fruit conserve, and eat with your, by now cold, tea.

Aroi!

D.

The people in your neighbourhood

Today, walking not far from my apartment, I came across what I can only describe as slums. The unmistakable ramshackle homes, built one on top of the other, out of whatever wood, iron and other materials you can get your hands on.

I'm not sure I was ready for that.

I've seen the beggars on the street and the falling down empty buildings, but this was no remote village in the jungle or African dessert like we see on ads at home; this was a whole neighbourhood of people, existing in small single room shacks, just off a major arterial road, 10 minutes' walk from Sukhumvit - the main road through town.

Confronting. In the grand scheme of all that's in Asia, I'm sure it's a drop in the ocean, and not really all that bad in terms of having shelter and access to a means to make a living (the big city).

I'm sure Asia has many more sights to shock my delicate western sensibilities, but I'm still moved by this one.

D.

Lucky number 9

In Thai culture nine is lucky. It means to move forward, so it's connected to prosperity, and advancement.

My stay in Bangkok is off to a good start - I moved into my new apartment, which is on the ninth floor, yesterday on 9 March, and signed my contract about 9 o'clock. Bring on the prosperity!

Mind you, on my way to the apartment - in fact, right out front of the apartment - my cab driver decided he'd take a look through my bags while I was getting change for him. Everything was still there, so clearly nothing he saw interested him.

My new apartment is pretty cool. Small, but cool (I have to stop using that word in Thailand - it's quite hot actually). It's brand new - I'm the first person to stay in this apartment. en suite bathroom, air con, about 70 channels of quality cable entertainment (most of it in Thai), faux gold curtain rod ends, and a brand new mattress made out of recycled concrete.

I like it. It's nothing special, but it's my first overseas address, and it means that I belong here now. This Soi is my home.

Yesterday was also my seven year anniversary in this job - the longest I've worked anywhere. That feels kind of lucky too.

To celebrate, I caught my first moto-taxi to work this morning. It's not that far from the office - I've walked it in about 20 minutes - but I don't like walking into the office sweating like an angry hippo with a hernia. It's not the impression I'm hoping to leave of my visit to Bangkok.

For those who've never been to Bangkok before, moto-taxis are small motorbikes - usually mopeds - that helpful Thais in orange vests let you climb on the back of, so that they can take you to your destination. You can go anywhere from just down the street to the train station, to across town if you're game.

There are two benefits to the moto-taxi: 1. they are cheap (you can get a lift down the street to the train station for the equivalent of about 35 cents Aussie); 2. they are super fast because road rules appear not to apply to them.

Benefit number 2 means that they weave in and out of traffic, across lanes, onto footpaths, even into on-coming traffic, all in the name of getting you to your destination as speedily as possible.

So how did my first moto-taxi ride go? Something like this:
"Weeeeeee! Ahh - Aaaahhhhhhh!! Weeeeeeeee!"

Guess which bit I had my eyes open for?

As with a lot of things here, sometimes, it's best not to know what's really going on, put your head down, and hold on. I stepped off the moped in one piece about two minutes after leaving the front of my apartment. Worth every Baht!

D.

PS. Mum, if you're reading this, I just made that last bit up for the blog OK? It didn't really happen.

I had my eyes open the whole time...

The good book and anarchy on the streets

He who hesitates is lost.

It says that in the "good book" somewhere - I can't remember where, but I'm sure the Lord was trying to cross a street in Bangkok when he said it.

I discovered on my way to the office this morning that even a pedestrian crossing doesn't mean that you can cross the road without dodging traffic. I say dodging, because if I'd waited for a break in the traffic to cross, I'd still be standing there.

Another saying you might apply to the roads in Bangkok is "The rules are, there are no rules!" Motorcyclists without helmets, cars turning in front of other cars when they're tired of waiting (as opposed to having right of way), motorcyclists going the wrong way down the street, motorcyclists riding on the footpath ...

But no-one seems to care. The lack of a system works, because there is no system. Everyone knows there are no rules, so everyone's happy. It's an anarchist's dream.

There are police though. They direct traffic here and there, though even they don't seem to bother when a random motorist flaunts the rules or turns when he hasn't been waved through. Though the guide books tell us that it's one thing for your locals to go whizzing around without a helmet on, or piling their family of six onto a Vespa, but if the paisty tourist tries it on, they might find themselves slapped with a fine.

And fair enough I think. You don't want every half-wit Aussie who's ever wanted to tear around the streets without a helmet on and four of his mates on the back of a Honda turning up to your country, do you? Oh - too late.

Here's my random Thai fact for today, which I learnt studying a wonderful website called www.Phuket.com: It's very offensive to show your feet - or to do anything other than walk or stand, with your feet - I already knew that. But because of this, it's drastically offensive to stomp on a 1000 Baht note that you've dropped and is flying away down the street! Why? Because like all Thai money, it has a picture of the King on it! And showing disrespect to the Thai Royal Family is a crime.

A little different from the stuff we throw around about Charles, Camilla, Fergie and the rest of them.

D.

It's yoghurt Jim, but not as we know it

Everything is different over here. Take my lunch for example: a roasted (not just roast) beef sandwich and a tamarind yoghurt.

I liked the idea of the tamarind yoghurt, and indeed, the tamarind portion of said product was very nice. But the yoghurt (the larger portion of the serving) was unlike any yoghurt product I had hitherto experienced.

It wasn't unpleasant, just watery. It kind of reminded me of the Junket mum used to give me - presumably as some sort of punishment - when I was a youngster. But tangier.

I guess, from a marketing point-of-view, "Tangy Tamarind Junket" just may not sell as well as "Tamarind Yoghurt", but I'm guessing it's an untested market.

The roasted beef sandwich was a lot more sandwich-like than the yoghurt was yoghurt-like, but the term "roasted" clearly referred to some sort of Thai roasting process that doesn't involve actually cooking the meat very much. Again - nothing nasty about it, just different.

Now to the language, because I know you're all wondering how I'm going learning Thai, and how I'm getting by while I'm in the process of learning Thai. Well, my Thai skills were summed up by a taxi driver last night: "nit noi" meaning I have "a little bit" of Thai (meaning bugger all).

At the moment, my confidence in speaking Thai is pretty low. I've got a couple of phrases down (hello, thank you, yes, no) and the numbers, but I'm not confident with my pronunciation, so I tend to mumble and nod, and hope they understand what I mean.

The hardest part is understanding someone else when they ask or tell me something. It takes my brain a little while to match the Thai to the English in my head. I'm still a baby at this, so it's like I'm still using my fingers to count - only I'm using wobbly bits of my brain to match Thai words to English.

Today was the hottest day I've had so far. So of course, I wore a thick long-sleeve shirt, and walked through the city for about an hour in the middle of the day. Derr. I needed a shower when I got home from work today.

On the happy side of things, I put a deposit on the cloud apartment today, and I move in on Wednesday! Yippee! So my address will be somewhere in Soi Nai Loet (also spelled Nai Lert, or Nailert - don't get me started).

Provided, of course, that I come up with the cash on Wednesday to take possession of said apartment. Apparently, using credit cards for payment of large sums of money is not common practice, so instead, one must carry three months worth of rent in cash.

I'm looking forward to having a Bangkok address by the end of this week. Thanks to all my fans who posted comments about which apartment would be better and gave me such encouragement. (I'm being sarcastic by the way).

D.