The white stuff

I've mentioned here before that while we in the West busy ourselves with tanning on the beach, in the salon, and from the supermarket aisle, here in Asia it's all about getting pale.

A conversation with a friend here who was heading away to a beach destination for the weekend revealed that she was worried about coming back with her skin darker than it currently was. For one of the only white members of a family of five brothers and sisters (most of them have a lovely olive complexion, as opposed to my pale, pinkish blue aura) this was hard to fathom.

I've spent most of my life envying my sister's beautiful complexion, which despite now living in England, turns a lovely shade of brown whenever she spends more than ten minutes in the sun. My skin turns several shades of bright pink through magenta, dies, and then peels off leaving a freckly, blotchy shade of white.

Freckle-faced and ranga kids of Australia, this is the complexion we were beaten up for and taught to despise all our school years. Over here it's almost a prized possession!

If the aspirations set by billboards and TV ads are anything to go by (and lets hope they're not), the perfect Asian face is one that is barely recognisable as Asian, with a pale, white complexion. Faces all along the highway into Bangkok, Phuket, Chiang Mai, and Kuala Lumpur all stare down through eyes with the faintest hint of Asian.


Does this guy look Thai?

But why? With farangs coming from all over the world to find the loves of their lives, why aren't there posters of beautiful dark skinned Asian faces advertising everything from shoes to Ovaltine?

Look how beautiful these everyday people are!

Buy any sort of cosmetic product that you apply to your skin over here (deodorant, after shave balm, moisturiser, skin whitener) and it will claim to turn you whiter. Like this one:

This one comes with sheep placenta! Mmmm...

In fact, a recent deodorant purchase saw me score a free face wash product, which had the added bonus of whitening. So naturally, I decided to do undertake a scientifically robust experiment to see what effect, if any, it would have on skin that is already melanin-challenged.

The Experiment

I took a before photo, used the face wash every day for the past 25 days, and present to you now the results of this experiment for your own edification.

Before

After

Thanks to www.yearbookyourself.com for the pics.

D.

Taking only memories

Remember the post about Bangkok milk?
The honey featured in the making breakfast post?
What about the toilet paper one?
And who could forget Mr Hill in the shower?

Well here's your chance to grab your very own piece of My Mekong Trip history...



Place your bid now!

... or not.

Spit, don't swallow!

Thailand, I know that when you put something in your mouth over here, it is all about including all the tastebuds - sweet, sour, spicy, and savoury (or salty).

But surely that doesn't have to extend to toothpaste!!

Apparently, that big white word written in Thai is "Salt"! Yes, salt flavoured toothpaste. I put it in my mouth expecting spearmint, peppermint, even beef mince would have been OK - but no, it was salt flavoured.

I used to think bubblegum flavoured toothpaste was weird.

D.

Walk the talk

As any first year communication student knows, there's more to communicating than just words.

There are cultural differences I'm uncovering here that go beyond language and the way we talk. It's in the expressions, the attitudes, the non-verbal sounds, and even in the way we walk.

For example, it took me a little while to realise that my Thai friends weren't making fun of each other in a conversation when they responded with "Errrrrr. Ehr, ehr." They were agreeing with what was said. Similarly, anyone who who has socialised with a group of Thai people will recognise that "Oiiiiiii!" has nothing to do with 80s punk music, or that annoying "Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!" anthem.

In Australia there's a look, combined with a posture and a defiant walk, which you adopt when a car fails to stop at a green "Walk" signal or pedestrian crossing. It's a look of righteous indignation; a purposeful "how dare you!" to the driver of a one tonne vehicle who should know better, and is clearly in the wrong.

Now take exactly the same look and posture, in exactly the same situation, but on the streets of Bangkok, and its meaning is completely different. It means "I'm a stupid farang." Repeat the non-verbal communication a few times in quick succession, and it can come to mean "I will be availing myself of your wonderful healthcare system shortly".

These non-verbal messages can work to your advantage. I think I've become fairly good at not looking like a tourist. Those who are familiar with my loud shirt collection may disagree, however there's definitely certain non-verbal cues you can adopt if you don't want to look like a sucker, and I am willing to share my insights with you here, gentle reader.

A work colleague recently mentioned standing in public looking at an open map as a dead giveaway. This, along with the loud Hawai'ian shirt and camera around the neck, are obvious clues - so obvious I'm not going to mention them. Whoops, too late.

Of course there are times when you want to be a tourist and enjoy the new experience, but if you'd like to be able to walk down the tourist strip (or out of the airport) without being accosted by tuk-tuk drivers and people expounding the joys of table tennis exhibitions, there is a walk and an attitude that you can adopt.

Start with a lack of eye contact and don't look at your surroundings. Even if you've never been to this place before, look down at the ground where you going, or better still, straight ahead. Pretend you're walking home after a long day at work, and all you want to do is get home.

You can comfortably glance at the things around you as you walk, but your walk is purposeful. You're not browsing at the Sunday markets (even if you are actually browsing at the Sunday markets), you're headed somewhere.

There's no need to be rude or aggressive, it's more an attitude of boredom. Act like you've been here a thousand times before, and are just on your way through once again on your way somewhere, so not really looking to buy any Viagra or Sponge Bob Square Pants items today. The non-verbal message you're sending is that anyone wanting to sell something is better off approaching the couple behind you arguing about whether it really was Tiffany at that last stall, and that even if it was Tiffany, you still could have talked him down a bit more.

I have survived many forays into markets, airports, shopping centres, and unlit alleyways with this method, and have lived to tell the tale.

Unfortunately, it doesn't stop me from buying a lot of crap though.

D.

2011, a space for oddity

From my Sunday journey to the shops on the BTS (train) today, here are a few more Bangkok oddities I noticed.

1. Whitening cream

While fake tans and brown skin is all the rage with the ladies back home, here it's all about looking white. Corrective eye surgery I'd heard about, but there were several ads on the train today for whitening cream, to make your skin look paler. Seems the grass is always whiter on the other side.

2. Coconut

You can get coconut in many different forms here in Thailand. Coconut oil, coconut milk, coconut cream, coconut paste, fresh coconut, green coconut milk still in the coconut served with a straw...

The one thing I haven't been able to find is dessicated coconut. From as far back as I can remember, we have always had a packet of dessicated coconut in the cupboard. How else do you make slices, biscuits, cakes, etc? Sadly, the little kiddies of Bangkok may never know the joy of coconut ice.

3. Bananas

Bananas are very cheap here - you can buy them from a lot of street vendors either chopped up, roasted over coals, cooked into pancakes, or served with sticky rice. But when you buy them from the super market, they not only come like Laura Palmer - wrapped in plastic - but they also come like Lady Gaga - wrapped in tape.

4. Mr Broomy

Every kid in Australia knows about Mr Whippy or the ice cream man - a dude who cruises around the streets on hot afternoons or weekends ringing a bell or playing Green sleeves (or some other song he doesn't have to pay royalties for) and all the kiddies come running out clutching their pocket money or dragging the parents in tow, to get an ice cream.

In Bangkok they have Mr Broomy. A dude riding something that's part bicycle, part shopping trolley filled with brooms, brushes, dust pans, and other manual sweeping implements. He cruised the streets around my soi on a hot Bangkok morning, honking a little bike horn with a tyre pump attached to it, to let everyone know Mr Broomy was there.

I didn't see any kids chasing him down the soi, but maybe they were all still finding their pocket money.

5. Coffee

Many things labelled "coffee", and even "best coffee in Bangkok" don't necessarily taste like coffee, and may in fact taste like "worst coffee in world".

D.

Banging on about Bangla Road

Up until now, this blog has been PG-rated - as in, no graphic or what may be considered adult's only content, I don't mean "rated Pretty Good".

This is where I need to touch on some racier topics, so if you're easily offended or don't want to lose your image of me as a sweet, innocent, 42-year-old, then perhaps you can skip to the next article where I document some of Phi Phi islands wildlife, and not Patong Beach's nightlife. You will however, miss a great restaurant review - it's up to you.

OK. All of that said, it's not like I was running naked down the main tourist strip of Patong. You need a licence for that sort of thing, or at least an understanding with some of the local law enforcement representatives.

My guide on this mid-week sojourn into Phuket's most famous (sometimes infamous) street was an expert. A man who has lived here for about 16 years, and actually gets paid by some crazy company to write about and review this area of Thailand (along with others) so that people all around the world will know what to expect when they get here. Where to go, where not to go, and how to avoid buying a round of drinks for everyone in the bar. All good stuff to know.

We started our night in Patong with a visit to the legendary Sea Hag restaurant, recommended by several locals, including our guide. The food was stunning. I can't remember how many different dishes we had, or what their Thai names were, but I have not had better seafood in Thailand.

We looked at menus for ten minutes or so, and when we were ready to order, or host, Khun Kenya, ignored all our selections, and chose a veritable smorgasboard of Thai dishes that were so full of flavour and all so different. Some were spicy, but none painfully so.

Baked whole fish in tamarind, mixed seafood cooked in a claypot, a fish mousse, and huge prawns wrapped in super thin noodles and deep-fried. Wow! And for us, a very cheap feed indeed. I hate leaving food on a plate, and will often stuff myself so food doesn't go to waste (but instead to my waist) - but there was no way I could eat another mouthful, and some of our security guards got some great leftovers that night.

With our taste buds truly satiated, it was time for a full-on assault of our other senses. The sights, sounds, and yes, smells of Bangla Road.

I've never seen so many Australians in one street before. It was like being a kid lost at Sydney's Royal Easter Show again. Of course there were also Britts, Russians, Americans, those from the Middle East, and various other assorted nationalities.

All in one main street - and its various sois - being coaxed into bars, urged to look at menus of the performances available in some of those bars, and huddling around groups of katoey (lady boys) to take photos. You could also purchase various fluorescent toys that flew into the air, wooden frogs that croaked when you stroked their back, tailored suits, DVDs, and the usual cacophony of special offers available to the tourist in Thailand.

How could I describe the scene for you? If you took the cars out of Kings Cross in Sydney and made it for pedestrians only, took out any of the legitimate cafes and other businesses that might operate there during the day and replaced them with bars that have no walls and instead just have bars with seats and bands playing and girls dancing on the bars, and then added about 100 times more people than you get on an average Saturday, swapped the risk of getting stabbed for your wallet with the risk of getting fleeced of the money in your wallet, and put smiles on everyone's faces, than that's pretty much what it's like.

Actually, it's not. I suspect there's nothing like Bangla Road in all the world. It has it's own attraction for some - clubs, shows, girls, lady boys, cheap knock-offs of everything from designer jeans to stun guns... And for others the exact same list would make them want to stay away, or condemn those who work and make their living here. I wonder what Fred Nile would do in a place like Bangla Road? Anyway, I digress.

As a sample, we had our first drink at an ice bar. There's plenty of these around in a lot of cities. Everything is made of ice including the glasses, it's very cold, and you drink vodka shots.

This ice bar turned out to be the freezer room at the back of another bar, where you paid to step out of the hot and humid night air, and into about -15C. We were given drinks in glasses made from ice, which we were told we had to smash against the concrete floor. That was how we started.

It was a truly memorable experience. I've been to bars before, but Bangla Road has a life and spirit of its own. Its not just that there's bars where weird stuff happens, it's that they're all here in one place and everyone knows about it. So everyone comes. Tourists mostly.

In one bar, I even questioned my command of English (let alone Thai), when I order a vodka, lime, and soda, and received a soda, lime, and soda. Or maybe they have that special Thai vodka that tastes like water. Same price though.

The word "exploitation" crept into my head a couple of times as we walked around. But it was more of a question than a comment. I'm not being deliberately naive, but I didn't see unhappy people on either side of the bar, or on the bar. Going back to the Kings Cross parallel, there is a note of desperation there. The stench of drugs and other addictions seep out from behind the lights and glitzy veneer, so you know it's false.

Here there is no veneer. There it is as you walk down the street in front of you - the question is asked in a thousand different ways: "Is this what you want? Well here it is."

I'm not ignorant of the fact that there have been many cases, recent cases, of child and female exploitation in and around Thailand. But so too in Australia, and Britain and America...

Like the beaches and the amazing natural beauty in this country, the tourists come for this, and the tourists spend a lot of money because of this.

D.